But... my milestones!

Things are, for millennials, not great right now. And people would like to talk about it.

“We’re midlife millennials, now in our mid-30s and early 40s, still spinning in circles like we had to do in the early aughts, during 9/11, the ensuing wars in Afghanistan, or the 2008 financial crash — retrograde, let’s call it — only today we have kids or pets or mortgages or aging parents or all of the above,” writes New York magazine columnist Amil Niazi.

She didn’t say anything new, exactly — we’ve all noticed our dollar isn’t exactly stretching the way it should and our futures aren’t looking quite so shiny. But she pretty succinctly touched on how things are feeling for many of us, what with all the worry.

But I’ve written about this before. And obviously other people have written about it. So we’re not going to rehash the worries. Where I’m at now, especially as I float toward increasing obsolescence — as a desirable woman (too old!), an employee (too expensive!), and a consumer group (unhip and disengaged!) — is where I’m trying to avoid a possible and likely future: Resentful shrew.

It’s boom times for the haters, no doubt. There’s plenty to grind your teeth over! But a good life requires the hating not seep into your bloodstream and poison your bones. That’s where resentment is brewed.

Niazi wrapped up her piece — so upsettingly illustrated by an uncertain WALL-E in Earth’s wasteland — by shrugging out her own solutions: spending meaningful time with others, being engaged with the world.

What was previously a dream-world exercise, the idea of buying a home with friends now just makes more and more financial sense. They say not to mix friends and money, but that feels like a Boomer-era adage from a time when homes cost the equivalent of a bagel and a cold brew today. Which is to say, you could afford to end a friendship over a failed timeshare agreement.

But there I go! Taking a big sip of my animosi-tini. Pulling on my finest resentmink.

In the comments section of the New York column, readers agreed wholeheartedly with the predicament, but also with the management tactics: Spend time with loved ones. Back away from the devices that remind you of bills, the news, your sub-par job.

I don’t think any of us wants to spend our midlives griping, deepening our brow lines and turning into bitter old cows. But it is hard to have followed the rules laid out for us and receive none of the riches (retirement) that were promised. It was an oft-parroted formula from parents, grandparents, and guidance counselors: College + hard work = comfortable life. It must’ve been that old math we all learned before Common Core changed it all.

I referenced this Guardian piece on the polycrisis previously, but one of the experts the author spoke with, the anthropologist Daniel Knight, explained how others have managed in times of enormous uncertainty: “Knight noticed that more people turned to their community for help in reimagining their lives, and in the process created what Knight calls micro-utopias. Cycling clubs sprang up everywhere, and people made more effort to spend time together.”

So in commiserating with one another, maybe we can figure out how to avoid resentment by taking our minds off of it all a bit. But let me be clear, fellow millennials: We can drop some of the old obsessions as we connect anew. Specifically, I did not and will not participate in anything related to Harry Potter. (You are taking Metamucil and still referring to yourself a Hufflesnuff or whatever??)

Laughably, the “related” column linked to at the end of Niazi’s piece was the over-discussed “Should We All Start Smoking Cigarettes Again?” Maybe the connection was supposed to be mid-life angst — or maybe it was about how we’re all reaching desperately for an opportunity to hang out with one another and have something to do with our hands… other than wringing them.