It's not the voice notes, it's you

Remember when Millennials killed casual dining? And how remote work killed summer Fridays? The list of how thing X killed thing Y is endless. Some are legitimate and sad (how streaming massacred movie theaters, for example), and some have great comeback stories (the triumphant return of vinyl). But there are always plenty of laughable alleged murders over which to clutch pearls.

My recent favorite: How the voice note killed the art of conversation.

I expected this to be the usual baseless outrage by an aging social commentator (there is some of that). But this particular handwringing fanned a valid question: Are we even aware that someone else is involved?

“Unlike a phone call or face-to-face catch-up, voice notes are very much not a conversation,” Helen Coffey writes. “They are a one-way form of communication – a soliloquy into the void, a one-(wo)man show in which the sender plays the starring role.”

I have been on the fence about voice notes myself. I am annoyed and delighted by receiving them in equal measure, depending largely on two factors: length and content. And in reading more of the data cited by Coffey, the problem does seem to boil down to the fact that we don’t always use them the right way — if there is a right way (there is! Stick with me!). Sometimes their misuse feels akin to buying a sports car for your family for five. Is this for you or for them?

Coffey referenced a survey that showed the length of voice notes has crept up, which seems to have affected engagement: “55 percent of those surveyed admitted that they ‘often’ forget to listen to voice notes; 22 percent said they’ve felt bored listening to a long one; and 15 percent described the experience as a ‘chore.’ ”

It seems we’re just dumping any old clump of info into our mics, with abandon. One of my favorite lessons in journalism school was learning which format will be most impactful for different content and audiences. Should it be a listicle? A slideshow? Maybe a narrative story or an oral history? You have to consider how the content will fit the context.

Here, then, is when the voice note shines: A quick anecdote.

Did something weird happen at work, which you can describe in under 90 seconds? That’s a voice note! Did you overhear something insane and need to share it before you forget? Voice note! Do you have something brief to say and can’t text at the moment? Sure, voice note! Are you trying to describe how you think different jack-o'-lanterns would sound if they could talk? Take a photo and attach a voice note!!! (<< This is maybe the absolute best use case, trust.)

But as Coffey points out, we’ve begun using voice notes as an opportunity to monologue at one another. “There is no place for the recipient to interject, react or respond in real time,” she writes.

I don’t mind an occasional “hear me out” voice note — especially if I’m working and you’ve really got something juicy to carve into. Otherwise, give me a call or let’s grab a drink. Let’s hash this out together. I was once in a group chat where everyone responded to a really interesting topic with their take on the subject via voice note. I was trying to keep everyone’s points straight and collect my own thoughts, and I found myself jotting down notes so I could voice note back accordingly. I didn’t end up responding at all, because it just felt sad — as though I was simply waiting for my turn at the dais.

It’s not just the voice notes. It’s the half-baked, too-long podcasts. It’s the social media video rants (I just learned that some people do recaps of their dates immediately after??). It’s like we’ve forgotten that there’s an audience at all, and we’re too focused on simply having something to say. I’ve been in an uncomfortable many social situations in the past year where someone launches into a little speech in a really bizarre way: It’s singularly about them, without any clear acknowledgement of either their audience or its reactions. You get the uncanny feeling that they’re picturing you as the front-facing camera on their phone.

Do I think voice notes killed conversation? I don’t. But I do think we forget to consider both the medium and the audience. We have a great number of ways to connect, which can be very cool and fun to play with (again, jack-o'-lantern impressions). But if you send me a 3-minute voice note, understand that there’s a good chance I will not listen or will opt for the transcription. 

Just give me a call. Yell at me like a man.