What's IN/OUT this week

Happy Friday, Haters. It was a brutal workweek, but I have (nearly) made it through. Also happy Scorpio full moon to you all, which my social media algorithm is telling me is an enormous deal for meeting my “shadow self.” I don’t know what that means but I assume I’ll have to locate her behind a dumpster.

IN: Caity Weaver’s Atlantic feature on the best free restaurant bread in America. You need to read this. (Gift link!) I’ve been following Weaver since her Gawker days, when she ate mozzarella sticks for 14 hours at a TGI Friday’s in Sheepshead Bay to see if the chain’s appetizers were truly endless. I was blown away then and remain in awe of her now. In the new piece, she extolls the virtues of Diet Coke, frustrates a bread scholar, threatens Chris Pratt’s publicist, dines with the senior vice president of the Cheesecake Factory, braids in family anecdotes and grief, and otherwise blows this story out of the water with her writing. When people ask what my career goals are, it is to be Caity Weaver. OUT: Knowing I may have had the best bread… but I don’t remember it. The bread Weaver deems as the top free loaf (I won’t give it away) is found at a restaurant I visited maybe 10 years ago. Unfortunately, I have no recollection of it, as I was focused on catching up with an old college friend at the time. Or maybe this bread wasn’t yet a feature of the restaurant then? Heartbreaking to consider.

IN: A wacky fashion theme. On Saturday, I decided to dress thematically, leaving the house in an airbrushed T-shirt that reads “Spaghetti - N - Meatballs,” a pair of earrings that say “pasta” in cursive, and with a few spritzes of my perfume that has notes of tomato leaf. On Sunday, we celebrated my friend Mike’s 40th — and the party theme was skeletons in the tropics. Mike wore a Hawaiian shirt covered in palm trees and dancing skeletons. I think we’d all thrive further if we allowed for more Ms. Frizzle style moments. OUT: Wearing prize ribbons as an accessory. I follow a fashion photographer on Instagram who suggested these are a rising trend — and to that I say, No thank you. Am I the finest hog at the state fair? The heftiest pumpkin in the tri-county region?? Then I shall be pinning no such flair to my lapel.

IN: The Onion. I feel like I’ve been sharing more Onion posts than ever lately. The cover of the The Onion Magazine they posted yesterday is killing me. I know their purchase of Infowars has hit another snag, but I desperately hope it happens. I need to see what Tim Heidecker can do with it. OUT: Devil Wears Prada 2. If I watch this, it’ll be by happenstance. I rarely answer to the beckoning finger of nostalgia, so the ever-expanding universe of Sequels for Millennials™ does little for me, personally. But as others have noted, this latest Devil seems like more of a marketing machine than a film.

IN: Hiding like a celebrity. All you have to do is wear a baseball cap and sunglasses. You will feel chic and very, “Please, no photos” even though you are just walking the dog and absolutely no one considered snapping your pic. But it adds a lovely touch of glamor to an otherwise dull fart walk. OUT: Hiding like a workaholic. My friend Joan calls it “turtling.” It’s when you hide inside of your home, overwhelmed with everything you must get gone. May this full moon bail my ass out of assignment jail!!!

Tell me what you hated this week!