What's IN/OUT this week

We (just barely) made it to Friday, folks. It’s storming here, which I’m sure won’t remotely break our extremely high temperatures. The heat and humidity were brutal last night when I saw Beck at an outdoor venue, and it felt like sitting inside of someone’s mouth. Beck looked cool as hell, though — while I looked like your sweatiest great uncle. I commented to a friend that I forgot a sweat rag, and some random dude chimed in to support sweat rags and flashed his… which appeared to be the type of black, polyester banquet napkin you see at weddings. There are zero absorbent properties to that material, so I assume he was just glazing his forehead with smashed mosquitoes all night.

IN: People hating on new technology. I love when we aren’t just blindly getting on board with things like AI, because it is very obviously not all good. But today I learned that people are using the term “clankers” as a slur for robots and I love it. It makes me immediately think of those robots that are very bad at soccer. The highest form of human intelligence is creative group taunting. OUT: Health tracking devices. And not just because I don’t need Pitbull Bezos to know how well I sleep at night. I learned that the Oura Ring has a “readiness” score that suggests how prepared you are to take on the day. Absolutely no. Imagine having a big day ahead of you and a little computer that’s worn on your booger-picking finger says LMAO IN YOUR DREAMS!! you don’t have near enough burpee points and lean protein credits to get through that life-changing review with your boss. Especially not while (*checks cycle tracker*) you’re in your follicular phase.

IN: A gentle book. I’ve started reading Stone Yard Devotional by Charlotte Wood and hot damn this a comfort read so far. How is she able to offer such a lush description of what sounds like a sparse environment? It’s a quiet book (so far at least) and it’s been such a pleasure while my week has been chaotic. The writing is also blocked out in some fairly small sections and it’s nice to sit down, read for 2-3 pages and find yourself at a comfortable stopping point. OUT: Beating yourself up for some brain drain time. This is when you just stare at your phone and go through Instagram reels or play little games. While we were waiting for our Uber last night, all I could think about was sitting in the sweet AC and sucking down some memes.

IN: Stickers or decals on cars. I don’t want it on mine, but I enjoy seeing it on yours. My current favorite is the “Stay humble” sticker on the souped-up BMW in my neighborhood. Imagine hearing a dude wax poetic about how you gotta keep your head down, grind hard, and be good to your mom… and then he drives off with the loudest exhaust system you’ve ever heard. Live your contradictions, brother! OUT: “New driver, please be patient” stickers. I have a theory that none of these people are, in fact, new drivers. They are just bad drivers who are using this false identity to scapegoat their bad behavior. I’ve seen these stickers on the same vehicles for far longer than the grace period allowed an actual new driver. I did recently see a bumper sticker that said “Hot girls hit curbs.” I don’t know what the driver looks like, but this is how you embrace your sub-par driving skillset. If I saw you cut a turn too tight and jump the sidewalk a smidge, then noticed that bumper sticker — how could I be mad??

IN: Throwing money at the problem. As someone with a scarcity mindset (is this a marketing term? Am I posting on LinkedIn?), I have a hard time being normal about parting with money. The reality, though, is that sometimes you have to whip out the old Visa and be done with it. Booked the flight wrong? Pay for the upgraded leg room. Dog tore up the duvet cover? Find a reasonably priced set and buy two. Covered in your own sweat waiting for the Metra at 10 p.m.? Spring for a 35-minute Uber. We are all too worn out to complicate life further by “finding a solution” or “just being patient.” They're not making a new Bible; we don’t need fresh stories of virtuous suffering. Get a grip! OUT: How much stuff actually costs. I got into a very old-person conversation with a stranger about how basic foods like tacos and cheeseburgers are becoming too fancy and expensive. She argued that tacos should be no more than $2.50. I said that I shouldn’t have to download a new app for each concert I attend. She called my bet and raised the idea that they should still send you a physical concert ticket in the mail. Amazing. Find me a clanker who can replace two women in a natural wine shop longing for a simpler, taco-abundant past!!

Tell me what you hated this week!