What's IN/OUT this week

Good morning, haters. Today I come to you from a place of pure rage after a software platform I use decided to cut off half of a file I need. Just as I was cooling off and accepting whatever I did to deserve this (I forgot to text my mother back for five business days), someone at this cafe said, “I have a job but I, like, don’t have anything to do.”

Let’s get into it!

IN: Sticking to the (work) plan. I’m trying to go to a coffee shop on Thursdays and Fridays to work on this newsletter, and take a little break from my under-decorated home office (do we like this chair?). My office also shares a wall with the AC/furnace and sounds like my own private airport lately. OUT: Having a day off when your significant other does not. This is a federal offense, actually. Imagine digging deep for the will to live/work and your boyfriend is just catching up on his soaps and requesting feedback on his beard length. Mostly, it’s wrong because I should be the one with the day off. (Just kidding! We both deserve it! He’s making me a cheeseburger later!) 

IN: Summer footwear! My new Keds took two weeks to arrive and I can’t wait to get them dirty in two minutes. OUT: Men publicly wearing sandals (straight to jail). Some dude sitting near me at a bar was wearing thongs (Jesus!) and I very correctly made a stink face when I noticed. Dave, the aforementioned boyfriend/retiree/personal chef, mentioned that Bradley Cooper has been seen wearing jeans and flip-flops recently. I guess that signals to some people that this is OK? But please consider that the model old Coops is dating likely has him getting weekly pedis. That means I do not want to see your untended piggies slapping the pavement as you dodge broken glass on Division Street. (Full disclosure, my feet look OK at best right now but these aren’t peep-toe Keds.)

IN: Letting me sit in your home/yard/patio. My friend Anna and I bopped down to our pal Jessica’s on Sunday for some garden hangs and dinner. It was fantastic. I didn’t mind sitting in the heat, double-fisting water and vinho verde, and blabbing about When Airbnb Was Still Cool (knee creaking intensifies). OUT: Expensive meals. I had been craving one of my favorite restaurants in town so booked a table on Monday for myself and Dave (a smart, handsome man who understands I love when he’s home even though I visibly vibrate with the nuclear energy of it being unfair). The dinner was very good! But at a certain point, it starts to feel like you can get a variation of the same Good Meal at 50 different restaurants around the city. It’s a have-snacks-at-your-friend’s-place-or-grab-takeout-en-route-to-the-park summer (recession).

IN: Dessert in the freezer. I picked up two paletas at the grocery store the other day and still haven’t eaten them. Just knowing that they’re in the kitchen soothes my frayed-ass nerves. Related: Individual fudgesicles should be sold at corner stores like loose cigarettes. OUT: Not offering a little treat at the bar. Sometimes I just think it would be really nice to have a wine and an ice cream sandwich or a whiskey soda and some Chex Mix. Whatever they sell in bulk at Costco that you can mark up in price is fine with me!

UPDATE!: As I finish this newsletter, I checked my email to find the software company related to my crisis just recovered the missing file. I truly thought that when you submit a help ticket (should you correctly answer the chatbot’s riddles three) that it was dropped into the void. Tonight, I light a candle to the tech gods, who I thought were busy in Venice giving their blessings to Big Daddy Bezos on his marriage.

Tell me what you hated this week!