What's IN/OUT this week

It’s been a week, haters! Luckily there is always time to stop and find what sucks… so here’s What’s IN/OUT This Week.

IN: Being active. My brain has finally accepted and encouraged the mental benefits of regular movement. Unfortunately this has happened right as my clown body has decided my neck will hurt for three days if I towel dry my hair funny. OUT: Treadmills. I joined a gym this week (calm down, it’s just LA Fitness). On my first visit I just used the treadmill — and that shit sucks! You can either stare at the news or some early-aughts wall decals, and the lighting is so depressing. As soon as a woman got on the machine next to me I immediately increased my speed because I love low-stakes competition; she then put her treadmill on a 90 percent incline and walked straight through the ceiling.

IN: Using a soft filter on video calls. OUT: Going outside immediately before I get on a video call. It’s gotten toasty in Chicago, and everyone on my Tuesday afternoon call was clearly startled to see they’d been joined by Harry the Hunter. Sorry for having a work-life balance that takes me into the great outdoors** (**past 15 different road construction sites).

IN: Surprisingly unrelated to the above: great sunscreen is in. I went to the dermatologist recently and asked her what I can do to keep my Tinkerbell-sensitive skin looking… fine. She said that sometimes the most basic solution is truly the best — and then proceeded to recommend $50 sunscreen. That’s fine, I can afford to stop slathering myself with chemicals and upgrade to something mineral-based. (I say while riddled with microplastics and gripping my black spatula.) OUT: The way some of you have responded when I have clearly been digging for validation while saying, “I’ve looked younger than my age for years, but now I’m finally looking my full mid-to-late-30s.” Why are you just sitting there? Support women (lie to me).

IN: Being present. I was in a yoga class the other evening and the instructor spent a lot of time talking about being present and I spent a lot of time writing some of this newsletter in my head during savasana. As an astronaut (I see you, Katy Perry), it is extremely difficult for me to stay tethered to Earth. I washed my face three times in the shower yesterday because I was mapping out my day/wallowing in existential dread. Please, someone teach me how to stay in the moment like the early 2000s Herbal Essences women. OUT: Trying to be too zen about it. Look, no one is asking you to stop and smell the roses. The two times I’m probably the most present are when I’m working out a bit with friends and when I’m violently turning into my mother, a.k.a., having full conversations with strangers who were probably just trying to be pleasant. You want to comment on the weather? I want you to explain to me why it seems there is so much more traffic these days.

IN: Putting up little posters or pamphlets for your thing. I go feral for a coffee shop that’s covered in print-outs for amateur comedy nights, dog walkers, immigrant rights, community trash clean-ups — whatever. I will scan your QR code so fast!! I am legitimately thinking about doing this to promote the newsletter (reminder: forward this to everyone you’ve ever met, please!). OUT: Printer ink and trees!

Tell me what you hated this week! 

P.S. I just figured out how to turn the comments on for these posts so we can all start chatting. Or you can just reply to this email and smear me directly.